Yes, I Don't Grow Bananas

An open market in EU farm subsidies is the latest thing in speculative booms.

Do you live in a bedsit in Islington, or a bijou studio apartment, if you prefer? And you don't grow bananas, or rape seed, or wheat or husband milchcows? Well, fool on you - you should be claiming EU agricultural set-aside subsidies, the brilliant twist on the Common Agricultural Policy that pays cash to people who do NOT farm!

Do you need a farm not to farm? What is this, some kind of crazy Eurospeak? Of course you don't need a farm not to farm! All you need is to own an entitlement to a set-aside subsidy, which can be sold separately to the land to which they originally attached.

'Entitlements' as they are coyly called, are one of the best - that is, the cheapest, highest yielding - financial assets currently on the market. The present yield - the annual payback relative to the initial cost - is hovering at 70%. This compares to a yield on UK government bonds of around 4.5%.

There's your pension problem solved! Snap up entitlements! Eurogenius!

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